priorcommitment | i am swallowed by the guilt of this

Entry tags:

trixa iktomi

i am swallowed by the guilt of this

He had known from the first night that Robin didn't return to their hut, that something had gone wrong.

It wasn't that Ishiah kept a close leash on the puck. In the end, no matter how often others believed Robin somehow tamed, beholden as the puck was suddenly to a peri's wishes and desires, Ishiah knew better than anyone else that he had little to no hand in controlling whatever it was that Robin chose to get involved in. Caliban Leandros had been proof of that— half-Auphe, and immediately for it, the target of a number of different species and groups all across the globe, advocates and enemies of a dying race, and yet Robin had gotten himself involved, because for the first time, he had found friends. Ishiah and Robin would always be two sides of a coin, necessary halves to make a whole, but to have someone who did not functionally require Robin's assistance in any manner still linger about was new to the puck. Something to be cherished. No matter how many warnings Ishiah had given— and over time, even the peri had been made to change his views on the subject, because the Leandros were something else entirely— Robin had not been deterred, and that was how the standard held for all things in the puck's life. If he was at the point of a sword, inches away from death, it was because he had given up and chosen to believe in futility.

If he came back home for Ishiah's sake, it was also for his own.

Every evening, the two of them had lain together, knowing that at the very least, they had each other on the island. But that evening, Robin never returned, and a sleepless Ishiah sat on the corner of their bed, watching the sun rise before he headed over to the hut across the community from his own. He'd have to search the island thoroughly over before he told the Leandros brothers, because they deserved that, because Ishiah still had trouble rubbing out hope himself, but there was one person he could tell immediately of his suspicions, because if their gut reactions lined up, then there was trouble. When He and She agreed on matters, it became truth.

Thrice, Ishiah knocked on Trixa's door, the line of his lips thin and chapped.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

There was a time and place for kept appearances, and for now, Trixa's tousled hair and bedraggled state didn't bother Ishiah in the slightest. She had no obligation to open her door to him, or to listen, or to provide much of anything because that wasn't how they operated. Friends though they might have been, but both lived different enough lives and knew that having them overlap was likely to cause even more friction and trouble for the both of them. So Ishiah kept out of Trixa's business, helping only when she felt the need had finally grown great enough, and she did the same for him.

But he needed someone then. Eyes wide and red, he stared unblinkingly past Trixa. Unable to focus exactly on her.

"I think Robin is gone." He paused, then shook his head. "I am almost certain Robin has disappeared from the island."

Goddamn it.

Trixa sighed, opening the door wide to admit the lovelorn peri. There was a time and a place for her attitude and now was definitely not it, lease she could do was listen. He'd done the same for her, after all, as badly as that had gone.

"How long?" It was an idle question, she assumed the answer was recent, but she wasn't expecting an answer. Instead she headed back into the hut to grab something she'd "borrowed" from the Winchester when Zeke left. Alcohol, hard, good for obliterating thoughts that didn't bear thinking.

"Almost a day. I have not seen him for almost a day," he replied, his eyes still rolling in and out of focus as his heart tried to remain distant from the situation, like fingers pulling away from a fire. Too afraid to hurt, because the pain was debilitating. Others might have laughed at the level of panic he felt, being separated from Robin for only a day, and not even having scoured all ends of the island to try and find him.

But he just knew, and if there was anyone still on the island who would understand how that felt, Ishiah imagined that Trixa would have been one of them.

"I hoped for this," he admitted, voice breaking at the end as he stumbled into the hut, unsure where he was going.

"Hoped?"

Setting the bottle down, she crossed to Ishiah to lead him to a chair, help him sit down. She'd never seen him like this, lost, unsure. It certainly didn't fit with the peri arrogance she was accustomed to and it unsettled her.

No less than the idea of another member of their fellowship disappeared. She despised not being in control of her own fate like this.

"C'mon, sit down."

Ishiah allowed himself to be led easily, following Trixa's pull until he felt his calves meet with the seat of a chair, at which point he sat down, staring blankly up at Trixa. "Hoped," he murmured vaguely, before nodding. "He was miserable here. How can one be made to cope with newfound mortality when it's not a choice? Of course he was miserable. Of course he was unsure. I asked to be bound to the ground, he—"

The sudden realization that Trixa probably knew full well what Ishiah spoke of, if not even more intimately so, drew the peri to silence again.

"Let's drink," he concluded.

Pausing as the peri rambled, Trixa had to fight the urge to throw something. Granted, she'd more or less asked to be busted down a rung or two after her little show, but it was still a bitch.

If he weren't so miserable, she'd be glaring at him, instead she simply swallowed hard. And swallowed hard again. And one more time to be sure before turning with a slight smile as he finally stopped.

"Yes, let's. Robin would approve, no?"

She reached onto a shelf and pulled the most cliche'd of island tableware, the hollowed-out coconut, and some fruit. She poured a couple of fingers for them both and started slicing the mango - she figured he probably hadn't eaten since the night before and, yeah, she doubted he had the capacity she did.

Would Robin approve? Ishiah's brow knit at the thought, unsure. Certainly, he didn't think that Robin would have wanted Ishiah to wind up on his own— they cared for one another enough that they weren't usually petty on such a level, even Robin, who had less of a moral compass (or indeed, didn't have much of one at all) which guarded him against it. Then again, Robin had mentioned on so many occasions, more so before arriving on the island than after, that Ishiah needed to live more.

And no matter how many times the peri tried to convince the puck that he was living as fully as he could have ever imagined, still Robin pressed more. Who was he, Ishiah wondered, to try and determine what Robin would or wouldn't approve of, when to him the puck's actions seemed so flighty and inconsistent. Better someone with a similar background, he reasoned.

Maybe he'd take Trixa at her word.

So he took the shot and downed it quickly, before he blinked and frowned at the glass, exhaustion padding his thoughts with cotton and making them hard to grasp.

"I'm sorry," he managed, staring at the empty state of the glass as though it had somehow betrayed him. "I should have waited for you."

"No, no." Trixa waved him off, not even remotely interested in matching him drink for drink if this was the speed he was going to go at. And if it was, it boded for some interesting times ahead - after all, if he was a chatty drunk? That had some possibilities she was just amoral enough to take advantage of.

Maybe. She was still mostly undecided where the peri fell on her personal trick or treat scale.

Sitting across from him, she slid a slice of her fruit in the alcohol, letting it soak in for a moment before pulling it out and eating it, feeling the burn of the alcohol over the sweet fruit as she poured him another shot. "You're the one who needs it so help yourself. I'm just here to help you stagger back to your hut if you need it."

As soon as she waved her hand in dismissal, so did Ishiah stop worrying about offending her, or being inconsiderate— because, to his knowledge, there weren't very many tricksters in the world who would hold something like that personally, at least not for very long. That was one of the better things about having Trixa on the island, not that he'd ever been against the idea in the first place, comforting in that they knew what one another were and had no need to conform to more human standards while on a rather human island.

With nothing else to do, and mind still unpleasantly numb, Ishiah watched as Trixa dipped a piece of her fruit into the alcohol and decided to do the same, curiously pulling it out of the coconut shell and chewing thoughtfully. He coughed for a moment as he adjusted.

A sudden thought struck him. "Why is it that you are helping me, Trixa?"

It was a valid question, but she had an easy answer.

"You're it. There might be those two guys from our world, but I don't know them from a hole in the wall. You're it."

She started soaking another slice of fruit, playing with it a bit and stirring it around as she suddenly found it harder to meet the peri's eyes. It was humbling - she was a trickster, a loner and here she was admitting she needed someone, her friends.

Leo, damn him. But she wasn't drunk enough to admit that yet.

Ishiah still mimicked her motions, even if he wasn't hungry, nor particularly desiring a drink. He followed, because it was the easiest thing to do when he didn't especially want to think, to be clear enough of mind to see where he was and all that he'd lost. Another generous piece of mango slid down his throat, and it caused him to cough once again before the peri finally put it aside for the time being as he stared thoughtfully at Trixa.

"You're not accustomed to being on your own," he observed, mostly for his own benefit. "No longer accustomed may be more accurate. When did that change for you?"

"The long game." She ate her own piece of fruit, a bit more gracefully than the peri seemed to manage, but the burn still made her eyes water a little.

At least that was the story she'd stick to.

"Set a trap for a demon that meant I had to stay more or less in or around one area for ten years. Made some friends - probably a bad move on my part, but Zeke grows on you. So does Griffin."

Fingers rose to play with an unruly curl, even as she threw back the entire shot, now tinged with a fruity taste. Staying in today suddenly seemed like a great idea.

"And Leo stuck around too, if you can believe it. Set up shop with me."

"Set a trap for a demon," Ishiah repeated thoughtfully, leaning back and dipping another piece of fruit, nibbling slowly at it this time, biting back pieces carefully so as not to choke on them again. He imagined that after a few more days, he could grow accustomed to hard liquor. And he knew that Robin had stashed quite a few bottles back in the sand pots they kept behind their house, along with a great number of other items he'd pilfered now and again from the island populace.

"Practically, making friends comes with risks. Alters judgment, presents the possibility of loss, but... intangible benefits," he muttered, before looking up in confusion. "Which demon?"

"Solomon."

Another shot is poured and tossed back with a wicked grin. Something to mask the memory-sharp tang of his blood in her mouth, the sinister feel of satisfaction she feels when she thinks about that day.

"He got bored about half a century ago, decided to go hunting. Found my little brother. So I stopped being bored and I went hunting."

A slice of the fruit went in, but truth be told, she didn't need it. Her mouth was getting pleasantly numb to the alcohol.

While he couldn't entirely approve of the grin which passed over her face, something about it too righteous when there was very little about revenge that was ever fully justified, Ishiah had grown enough as a peri that he couldn't begrudge the sentiment, either. His own expression darkened at the mention of Solomon; he'd had very few direct encounters with the demon, but among angels and peri, the names of more troublesome fiends cropped up on a regular basis. Solomon... he'd taken thousands of souls, had mastered the art of harvesting them until it was almost an art. Ishiah's lips curled in sympathy, exposing a canine before he took a long draw of alcohol.

His lips were starting to lose sensation, he noticed.

"Solomon," he muttered with a hiss. "Should have been taken down centuries ago. That he took your brother... he must have a deathwish."

She gave a wry grin, "He had no idea who I was when he met me, no idea what I was."

Leaning back, she actually chuckled at the memory. Solomon, teasing, taunting, using every trick he could think of. "He even tried to seduce me."

"Seduce you," Ishiah repeated with a soft snort, amused, aided by the low buzz of alcohol keeping his skin warm and flushed. It was crude, it was sordid, and yet the failure or miscalculation of any demon was still satisfying to the peri after so many years. Comeuppance. For all the times people claimed that God was one to hope for turning the cheek, Ishiah knew better. God's soldiers certainly didn't allow matters to idle out.

And if he was darkly amused, he didn't see the point in hiding it.

"Sounds like you got the better of him."

"Oh, Ish."

She intentionally used the shortened version, feeling her own buzz bring out her more playful side. She even topped off his drink, filling her own and inserting another slice of fruit. Stirring it around a bit, she smirked.

"I got the best of everyone that day. Heaven, Hell and a few earthly pawns, too so don't think your side had a good day either, feathers. And at the end of the day, Leo and I had the prize, and Zeke and Griffin were free."

Ishiah stared bemusedly down at his liquor, at the raised level, before he drank enough to bring it down to where it was before, like the everlasting fountain needed to be kept in check. His head swam, his senses were fuzzy around the edges, but he was able to catch the mention of his own bearing the brunt of some violence, and that was enough for him to raise a skeptical brow.

"Heaven's business is no longer my own, unless they see fit to call in favors," he muttered, with a little bit more bitterness than usual, stranded as he was on the island. "As long as the peri weren't involved, that's enough for me."

She rose her eyebrow at Ishiah's insistence that Heaven's business was no longer his. Not that she was entirely surprised, retirement had its benefits, after all, but that he was so nonplussed that she'd knocked his former bosses down a peg or two. Well, maybe nonplussed wasn't the right term, she heard some bitterness in the peri's voice, but still, maybe he had mellowed out these last few years.

She'd have to give Robin some credit... if she ever saw him again.

She wasn't pressured to speak so she remained silent, sucking some of the alcohol off her fruit slice as she watched her guest.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

i am swallowed by the guilt of this

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject