have I been a fool? just say, say, say

[priorcommitment]

Everything was going wrong lately.

While Ishiah wasn't one to be melodramatic about the shortcomings in his life, didn't care to embellish them in the way that Robin so often did, there was still no denying the fact that his calm life on the island had recently started to take steps toward unraveling, back to the chaos that had enveloped Manhattan on such a regular basis. First, there had been the mass transportation of the island's citizens to the dinosaur region of the island, no reason or warning. Then there had been the hurricane leaving him, and a number of other people, stranded on the second island for a time— and for someone who often looked as far ahead as he could for weather updates, the lack of sense in that respect had bothered him on an intellectual level. Worse yet was finding that Lucy had required fairly major surgery, might have died had someone not found her out there.

And of course, Zerachiel had disappeared too.

Very rarely did Ishiah care to mope about hardships, but without anything especially productive to channel all the winding stress inside of him in, he found himself growing increasingly angered. Dwelling. That afternoon found him in one of the many untouched regions of jungle close to Bohemia, felling trees with an axe he'd found just because he could.

Maybe he could save them for roasting boar.

Comments

[priorcommitment]

There have been worse reactions. Ishiah has known the lengths to which the guilty will go, how easily they'll shine a blade or do anything to put faith and religion out of sight. He knows derision, too, the sneer of those who don't believe simply because they've never been given a reason, because most people need reasons to turn to anything beyond what they can concretely sense. It's hard to convince a person to put faith in chance, for instance, and putting faith in an invisible creator is much of the same thing. Effy doesn't fall into either category, not by far, her expression carrying surprise.

"I'm serious," he replies, trying to read the rest of her expression, the swirling that he can almost see behind her eyes. What is she thinking? What does faith mean to her?

Idle curiosities, for the most part. She doesn't matter overly much to him, isn't a close friend or anything of that sort, but she is a human, and she is a child, and both of those are reasons enough for him to care.

[backward.livejournal.com]

She has questions. Effy has every manner of questions, from the deep to the mundane, both serious and not, but to ask them all would be to reveal more of herself than she already has. She is hesitant to do so, even now, even after Ishiah has been so open with her. And while it's true that he's only scaled the tip of the iceberg, he's still given her more than she can ever return. Truth isn't in her nature, and even if it were, her own story pales in comparison to his.

Briefly, she considers lying to him. Making something up, something grand; becoming someone greater than herself, even if it's only pretend. But the sad truth is that Effy herself is the only one who cares, either way, and even if she lied to others, she'd know the truth herself.

"A lot of people think of this place as purgatory," she tells him, though she's certain he already knows. Effy can't remember dying, can't remember Cassie dying, and she has yet to see Tony's friend Chris around, who actually did die. She shrugged the theory off herself, when she first heard it, but it's worth mentioning now if only to have Ishiah either confirm or deny.

[priorcommitment]

"I know... no more than any of you do," Ishiah replies first, swallowing thickly with great reluctance, the physical action matching the way that he feels inside. While not every waking moment on the island has been dedicated toward finding answers, the thought is one which passes through his mind constantly. The fact that he doesn't know, and that his father seems incapable of trust him to know, only makes Ishiah feel like more of a peri tumbling toward an inevitable failure. Or perhaps he already has.

Sighing, he tries to be more helpful. There's no point in dashing everyone's hopes, not when Ishiah doesn't have any hard fact or message that tells him to shut others' opinions down. "It could be purgatory, although then I wonder why it is that I am here, as I was never made to enter purgatory in the way that humans might. An angel typically does not enter purgatory, unless he has fallen at some point. Which I have not."

It's a plain, practical answer, but for Ishiah, it's the only type that he can give.