Ishiah (
priorcommitment) wrote2013-05-12 01:48 pm
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hard to live in the city
Within the city, the park is one of Ishiah's favorite places to go. There's something about having an open space surrounded by frenzied movement that appeals to his sensibilities, enjoying the idea of having an oasis amid the chaos. It allows him to keep a closer eye on people as well, tracking those whom he can — that list, unfortunately, seems to grow fewer by the day. Something about this place keeps on stamping down on his abilities.
It's not the easiest process to bear.
Still, he sits on a bench in the middle of the park, learning to suppress his anger, which has surfaced all too often as of late. Too many variables completely out of his control. Too much that he needs to try and learn, but can't guarantee that he will.
When he glances up and catches sight of Castiel in the distance, it's calming, because at least their greeting is one thing he knows is under his control.
"Castiel," he says, lifting his chin in beckoning and gesturing to the empty space beside him on the bench.
It's not the easiest process to bear.
Still, he sits on a bench in the middle of the park, learning to suppress his anger, which has surfaced all too often as of late. Too many variables completely out of his control. Too much that he needs to try and learn, but can't guarantee that he will.
When he glances up and catches sight of Castiel in the distance, it's calming, because at least their greeting is one thing he knows is under his control.
"Castiel," he says, lifting his chin in beckoning and gesturing to the empty space beside him on the bench.
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"I'm sorry that I wasn't there to help through the entire ordeal," he adds, gaze dropping to the ground. "It's my hope to be more vigilant in the future, but I haven't yet determined what it was that kept Robin and myself away. Perhaps it's something not within my power to fight as I am now."
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Not to mention, Ishiah's idea of too emotional is much changed now from what it used to be.
"When you say emotionally compromised, do you mean as a result of how much you care for Dean?"
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"I hope that you are communicating with one another carefully and thoroughly where your relationship is concerned," Ishiah says first, his eyes full of concern. "But yes, of course I would be amenable to continuing our practices. That won't be a problem."
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"That demon was stronger, stronger than most I have encountered. It used Dean against me and it nearly killed me. With my own sword. It was not a proud moment."
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He folds his hands together as he considers the rest of Castiel's story.
"Demons aren't naturally stronger than we are, so they work very hard to trick us. Sometimes in fighting them, you have to be able to preempt what they do. Learn to expect the unexpected, or find someone who can. Robin is that person for me."
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"Can I inquire as to what type of an arrangement you have with Robin? I ask because I see so many different kinds, even among people who are married. I don't know what is standard. I only know what I want."
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"Robin and I are in a monogamous relationship. I... am considering asking for his hand in marriage, in fact," he explains with a slight tilt of his head. "But it took quite some time before Robin would commit, and after we had been together for a couple of years, I offered him the opportunity to seek other companions if he wanted. His kind rarely enters monogamous relationships, and I didn't want him to be unhappy. As it turns out, however, he was happier containing our relationship to the two of us."
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He takes a deep breath at that, willing it to be true before offering Ishiah a small smile. "Congratulations, in advance. I think very highly of Robin, as unlikely as our friendship would seem to be. It is odd to have this conversation with another angel. Discussing love and feelings."
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He presses his lips together, shaking his head minutely. "Don't congratulate me before if and when he says yes. His opinion of marriage is a complicated one." Ishiah glances over at Castiel again. "This conversation would be almost impossible to have with another angel very actively on duty. That's why I usually refer to myself as a peri. Calling myself an angel, at this point, would feel inaccurate."
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"I do not entirely know what I feel like. I am an angel. I still have my grace and my wings but the only thing that feels like home to me now is Dean. Where I go after all of this I do not know."
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Pressing his lips together, Ishiah offers a small shrug. "I have to admit, I've never met someone in your situation before. Have you been unable to speak with Our Father?"
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He turns wide, hopeful eyes on Ishiah.
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"Castiel, think about why you're asking me that question," Ishiah replies calmly. "Should that question make a difference in your faith? Should you need to have that tangible proof of Our Father's existence in order to believe in His will?"
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It's beyond shameful, to have such doubts, he knows this. But after everything, after finding more love and faith in his human charge than in his own Father, it's difficult not to.
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"What makes my word powerful enough to guarantee that? I'm not the one you should have faith in. Not of that sort. And that's all you would be doing; transferring the faith you should have in Him to my shoulders."